Monday, February 23, 2015

Blown away...

My dear, 

   I have a feeling that I am in my own bubble and time is passing day by day and I am the same girl without changing. Yeah, my hair is shorter and longer and shorter again, my age is different, but somehow I still feel that I am the same girl. I don`t know if I`m the only one who feels like this but sometimes trust me, it can be pretty weird to feel that all the world is changing in front of your eyes and you are just....nothing. You have the same thoughts, the same struggles, the same beliefs, the same people, you are just the same.
   I`ve been thinking about this a lot this days, maybe because usually I`m aware of my mistakes exactly when I do them. I am a positive girl, thank God for that because only with Him I can wake up every day and start a new chapter. But I can`t shake off the feeling that my book is pretty boring `cause nothing amazing is happening right now. It`s like I am standing and waiting for something without even doing what I like. Do you guys feel like this or I am the weirdest of you all?
   I know that my writing is not pretty regular, maybe because I kind of felt that I lost my voice. Which was the biggest struggle ever. My mom used to tell me that I am made to speak my mind and to tell what I feel and to do something good with my voice, and feeling that I have a billion of thoughts but I just can`t express them was kind of scary because I was like: ok, now my brain will just blow up  like a bomb and the result won`t be pretty at all.
  After weeks of trying to make something with me and trying to make things right on my way I just lost it. Shut all down, and take time for me, for putting things just the way I feel like they should be. Maybe some of you will be like: ok, and the point is? Bear with me please and you`ll see. Hopefully!

1. Life is beautiful. Painful sometimes but it is a miracle. 

What I have done was pretty simple. I made a mental list of all the things I could be thankful for if I just want to. Basic things, like my home, my parents, my health, every single breath I can take, the sun and the list can go on. 

2. I am beautiful because....

I am not usually so into making lists but it seemed like the right time for them. So I made another list with all the reason I am feeling beautiful. Maybe it will sound very egocentric but it`s not. `Cause I didn`t make me so me saying that I am beautiful because of me would be so wrong. But I am beautiful because of His love and because how that it makes me feel. 

3. Be thankful

I guess this was my freaking struggle. I am not a competitive person. I don`t really want to win something, I don`t want to be known, I just do things because I like them. But when it comes to my life or to what I should to I`m so weird because I always want to do things better for others. Which is so wrong. If I see things like this, and sadly I do it often I will fail in every single thing. Why? `Cause I can`t do anything for someone if he doesn`t want it. So, I learnt, on the hard way to be thankful for what I am through Christ and to be thankful just for being in someone life. 
I don`t usually write here posts about me because I don`t think I can make them useful but today I felt like I should be more open and I wrote exactly my feelings and I am praying that it can be an encouragement for you and it can be a different perspective of seeings things. I`ll love to hear from you in the comments or mail ( about your struggles and how you passed them. 

With love, Allie

No comments:

Post a Comment